Identity Crisis
by 3iris
Summary: Just a little one shot about our favorite detective outside of the precinct. It is fluffy and dark and weird and slightly smutty. I'm not sure where it came from...probably overload from reading Heat Wave and watching too many episodes of Castle online.


The auburn haired detective with wide green eyes was unbuttoning her blouse as she pushed the door closed behind her with her foot. She didn't slide the vivid purple blouse off completely, but left it open, partially revealing the matching purple lace bra that was hidden underneath. "Are you still up for this?"

Carter raised his eyebrow at the playful remark, and moved closer to her. "I definitely am now. You make quite an entrance." He started to reach out and touch her, but instead withdrew his hand.

She noted his hesitation, and smiled up at him. "We don't have to have another discussion regarding the responsibility of our actions do we?" She shrugged her shoulders, and let the silk blouse slide off her, landing in a pool around her shoes.

"We can talk later. The morality lecture always seems to make more sense, you know, after." He took another step toward her, or more accurately, against her, nudging her back against the door she had just closed. He ran his hands down her shoulders, over her ribs and waist, before they disappeared between their bodies. He swiftly unfastened the button of her pants, and she freed herself of them with a few wiggles of her hips. He brought his hands back up and rested them against the door, on either side of her face. He stroked his thumbs across her cheekbones. "Are you sure?"

"I'm standing here in your living room in my underwear, right?" She looked down, away from his probing eyes, focusing on unfastening the buttons of his shirt.

"You were not OK with this last time. You said we should move on. Was there someone? Is there someone?"

She was finished unbuttoning his shirt, and could feel him watching her. "If there was, would I be here?" She slid her hands across his stomach and up to his chest. "I thought we decided not to analyze this."

His hands went to her face, and he tipped her chin up so she was looking at him. She felt her heart start pounding as his lips inched near hers. Just as his lips lightly brushed over hers, she turned her face away. Undeterred, he licked down the side of her neck, stopping to kiss along her collar bone. "If you were in a good place with someone, no, I do not believe you would be here. That's not you."

"Would you be upset if there was someone else . . . someone else I might wonder about while we are touching each other?"

"I'm not delusional. This is just what it is, just for this moment. That is why it works." He cupped her bottom in his hands and lifted her until she was equal to his height, and he could see her eye to eye. She wrapped her legs around his waist for support, and readjusted herself between his body, and the door he was holding her firmly against. She held his gaze, and smiled at him wickedly, as she made small movements against the noticeable bulge nestled between her legs. "You gravitate toward this for the same reasons I do . . . because in the real world, sometimes life can be shitty. People let you down. They can be confusing and manipulative and cruel, but this, it just is. No expectations and no disappointments." He couldn't help but laugh at her enthusiasm. "If you don't stop it, I'm not going to be able to finish my speech."

"So, get to the point quickly." She was slightly breathless. Her movements were having as much of an effect on her as they were on Carter. He noticed this, and used it to his advantage, removing his hands from her bottom, and pushing one of her bra straps off her shoulder. He nibbled his way down her shoulder to the rounded swell of her breast. He ran his tongue along the bare flesh that was exposed above the purple lace, and brushed his fingers over the dark nubs straining against the lace.

He watched her face, as her lips parted, and her eyes fluttered closed. "My point is, you really are amazing, and there is somebody out there who has no idea what he is missing. You, at one point, at least acknowledged to yourself that there was something meaningful looming on the horizon, some possibility of something. That's why you backed away from us being together for awhile. My guess is, something happened since then. He hurt you, or he hooked up with someone else, or . . ."

She pushed back on his shoulders, making enough space for her hands to work on his belt buckle. "You don't give up, do you?"

He pulled her hands away, and held them both above her head with one hand, while he took his time getting reacquainted with the familiar curves of her body. When she was aroused to the point of almost not being able to think clearly, when she was calling his name, and grinding herself against him to be as close as possible, he lowered her back down to stand on the floor. Her legs would barely support her. She leaned against the wall, clinging to him for support. "You can tell me about him. Tell me it doesn't drive you crazy not knowing what this would be like with him." He slid his hands between her legs, covering the small patch of lace with his hand, and feeling the warm wetness on his palm. "Tell me you haven't thought about him while you were with me." His voice was barely a whisper.

He didn't move his hand, or stroke, or probe, and she realized her arousal was dissapating. "It doesn't matter. There's nothing to tell."

"It does matter. You know it does."

"What are you doing?" She finally had control of her voice again, and at the same time realized she was feeling very self conscious. She removed herself from his embrace. "I don't understand." She gathered up her articles of clothing, and started toward the bathroom, becoming increasingly aware of the tears which were starting to blur her vision. She turned back to face him. "Did you ask me to come over tonight to get us off, or to end things, or to lecture me on the ways my love life is lacking?" She swiped the back of her hand across her face.

"It was my original intention when I called you for us to just get sweaty, but I realized tonight that you were right a few weeks ago. We do need to move on. This is too easy to fall back on. You know it could be better. You're settling, and you've known it for a while. I just realized a few minutes ago, that I am too. You can't build a relationship like this. We can create a pretty perfect night, but the magic comes in turning it into something more. It's not just about making love, it's about making a relationship, a life, a family. That's what you deserve, and you know that it is just within your reach, or maybe just out of your reach, but you can see it, and it's what you want." He gestured between them. "This is not what we want. It's settling. One of us has to back away, Nikki, and I'll make that move for both of us."


End file.
